The Force I Want To See Awaken...

Trim image credit to Cali White

Lesser known fact about me - my degree was in fashion design. Yup. An artist too afraid of being unable to sustain herself with her art that she chose a commercial way of using that gift. I lasted 3 months as a lingerie designer for Marks and Sparks before my soul rebelled and I got so sick, they sacked me. Thank god.

So the eve of 2020 is upon us. I have never had a run up to new year like it. My beingness has been throwing the last 20 years in front of me relentlessly, as if it's time to look them in the face fully and honestly make both an assessment and a new set of choices.

Really hard truth

I've been physically well for 6 months of that 20 years. Somehow that's made me so angry to realize, I've been impossible to be around for the last 4 days. I've been watching this angry part of me stomping around over the 'trying so hard' of my life, picking up each deeply hard patch and throwing them in my face like a trophy to the impossibility of existence. Yes - it's been hard - but my god there has been SUCH beauty and such growth too.

So tonight instead of being in ceremony, I find myself sewing patches on clothes that have been considered dead for years but loved too much to be thrown out. Mark came back from a thrift store with Star Wars fabric that I have been smilingly sewing onto our elbows - staring at the words 'the force awakens' again and again, and wondering about the irony of sewing those words into the broken open patches of our wings.

Do we have to be broken open to find our wings?

I've wondered so many times in 2019 whether I'll ever feel happy again, as our world burns and species vanish forever. I don't know how to not try. How to not love. How to not grieve endlessly, but it's not enough and it's not all there is. A relentless fire is breaking through within me. Something else IS being born through this climate/political/social/ecological/moral crisis....

As I quiver before the unknown catastrophes and brilliances of 2020, I know that a force is awakening. I know that outrage is the shoehorn of fierce love, that injustice is the bed partner of activism, that despair is the canvas of radical creativity. There simply is nowhere to run and hide anymore, so our old skins are going to fall away this new year.

Can you feel it? 

The scent of inevitability is on the breeze and it has all our names woven through its fragrance.

You will awaken - we all will - to the fragility of our outmoded constructs and behaviors, and to the heartfull upwellings of Gaia's presence as She writhes around witnessing the vanishing of her creations and experiences her body being shredded beyond her ability to hold it together. Our Mother. The being that your body has been carved from. The being that we now need to tend with everything we've got. Her destruction is underpinning our awakening.

So what force will awaken as the year turns?

 I'm watching myself like a hawk. Watching my exhaustion, my rage, my bewilderment and my despair and knowing that I need to transition out of that vibration and into one of clarity, hope, grace and deep listening whilst staying awake to what's happening. I've done it many times, I'll do it many more I'm sure. It's the yoga of our time.

I lost my center completely a few weeks ago upon hearing that humans are now considering compressing our trash and sending it out into space. 

That alongside the billionaire companies plotting their relocation to Mars - as if their next step having trashed this planet for vast wealth is just to leave. Use her. Trash her. Abandon her. Waste, cruelty, impossible neglect, unthinkable, unforgivable to me until I can expand my heart to include that degree of wound created blindness, greed and separation.

The force I want to see awaken is fierce love for our Mother. Fierce love that simply cannot condone or collude with mindless waste and destruction anymore, that looks at every system we have in place and starts questioning how it needs to transform, that actively bows to the miracle we have taken for granted and becomes fully prepared to do all we can to give back.

Because it's on us now now.

The science says it's impossible, my heart and soul say it's not.

We are creation. We are woven out of this planet and this universe. We are it all. We are limited only by perception.

We can do more than patch up our world if we choose. We can love her, revere her, cherish her, thank her, feed her, cleanse her and give her back to herself. We can grow up and stop taking our parent for granted.

We can say I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

May you spread your wings into 2020 and let the force of your deepest love have its way with you completely.

May you be undone.

May you fall to your knees and only get up when you have committed to bring your gifts to the restoration of our world.

Gaia - I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you.

I am all yours.

By Clare Dubois


Clare Dubois, founder of TreeSisters is an Earth loving social entrepreneur and inspirational speaker who worked internationally for 18 years facilitating groups, coaching business leaders and creating behaviour change processes within the personal growth sector. Clare is leading the TreeSisters campaign; focusing on network development and the empowerment of women. She has been developing the ethos and principles, the team and organisational culture, the campaign strategy, the framework of the Maps and behaviour change materials. She is committed to the creation of an evolving system that learns as it goes and continually models itself upon the flows and forms of living systems.